It is estimated that 21 million Americans suffer from a pornography addiction. This addiction can lead to negative consequences in someone’s life, marriage, job, self-esteem, health, and spirituality. These consequences often lead people to seek porn addiction help so they can overcome it.
The addiction recovery process for someone struggling is often an uphill battle without getting the right tools in place. In this blog post, we’ll discuss the most effective approaches to helping you find freedom from porn addiction, as well as discussing approaches you might want to avoid.
What is a Pornography Addiction?
An internet pornography addiction is a compulsive need to view pornographic material. This can be magazines, videos, pictures, or the internet. For someone with an addiction, these images become more important than anything else in their life.
Porn addiction is a type of behavioral addiction and is often called “sexual addiction” because of the high level of sexual arousal and pleasure that is felt when viewing it. Addicts will continue to seek out this material even though they know it’s causing them harm. They might spend hours looking at porn daily or weekly and feel like they can’t stop. The consequences of this behavior often affect every area of their lives.
The World Health Organization does officially recognize porn addiction as a legitimate struggle millions of men have, and it falls outside of other mental health disorders that are recognized by other professional groups.
Is Pornography Addictive?
Just like gambling, overeating, or any other behavioral addictions, pornography can be just as addictive, if not even more so because of the powerful endorphines and sex hormones that are released in the brain when you view porn.
This can lead to out of control sexual behaviors, compulsive masturbation, and frequent viewing of porn despite the negative consequences that often go with this habit.
What are some Consequences of Pornography Addiction?
It’s important that you are aware of how excessive pornography use can have a negative impact on your life so you aren’t blindsided by the consequences later on down the road. Some people who struggle with porn addiction may often experience these problems:
– Relationship Problems & Divorce
– Job Loss or Unemployment
– Feelings of Shame, Guilt, and Embarrassment
– Low Self Esteem and negative feelings Issues – Financial Difficulties
– Career and Personal Life Problems
– Lower sexual satisfaction in a relationship
– Mental health / physical Issues (E.g. Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Erectile Dysfunction, Depression, Anxiety) or other withdrawal symptoms
– Loss of Faith in God/Loss of Spirituality
Porn addiction may lead to some or all of these consequences, so it is important to get help to work through them. By treating porn addiction, you can find freedom and your self-confidence again, but it takes time, effort, and the right tools. Don’t give up on yourself!
Many men no longer want to view porn and recognize their porn use has spiraled out of control, so finding the right treatment program, treatment provider, or approach is critical.
What Is the Best Type of Porn Addiction Treatment?
There are a variety of different ways for men seeking treatment in order to stop watching porn. In this section, we’ll discuss some of the most common approaches people take as well as their pros and cons.
Eliminating Your Triggers and Urges For Porn
The best type of individual counseling focuses on helping men effectively deal with their triggers, because without knowing how to identify and eliminate them, you’ll always be vulnerable to another relapse.
For example, let’s say you see an attractive woman at the gym and it triggers you to think sexual thoughts about her. Later on at night it can turn into scrolling on your phone looking at pictures, which eventually leads you to porn. Before you know it, it’s already too late because the temptation is so strong and you mess up again and feel guilty about it.
The key to finding freedom after you’ve identified the trigger is to reprocess it internally in a way that eliminates the power it has over you. You might have any number of different triggers, but the process is the same.
Developing the ability to remove the intensity or emotional pull of your triggers is the only way to become free, because you can’t just avoid stress at work, quit going to the gym or grocery store, stop watching TV or seeing attractive women when you’re out. So if those external triggers don’t stir up the urge or desire to watch porn or compulsively pursue sex, you won’t ever begin the search in the first place.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Sam Tielemans, has developed a unique approach to help men reprocess their triggers to eliminate their urges and cravings for pornography, which is often the reason why men end up relapsing, despite their best efforts to stay strong.
If you want help identifying and reprocessing triggers so you find freedom from your compulsive urges, check out this podcast episode that outlines the steps to this approach and try it for yourself.
Why Do Men Return to Porn if They Want it Out of Their Life?
The reason why a man struggles and returns old habits for years is because there’s an inner conflict – a part of him doesn’t want to look at porn, but another part of him does in the moment he feels temptation and urges. Removing the desire and cravings resolves that inner conflict and makes it so they can make the right choice every single time and not have to battle anymore.
People who go through this process describe it as “life changing” and “eye opening” once they can remove their triggers and desire for porn. This can be accomplished through specialized counseling sessions, and it often takes less than 90 days. Men become able to create satisfying relationships with their wife or partner, rebuild trust, get their self-esteem back, avoid wasting time watching porn, and instead live a more meaningful life.
The downside with this approach is that you can’t do it by yourself. You need professional help with somebody who is trained to identify your triggers and the reason why you have the desire for porn (and it’s not because you have a high libido). The underlying issue is usually something you’d never think of or realize on your own.
That being said, for most men, getting professional help to permanently overcome this issue outweighs the financial and time commitment of 6-10 sessions it takes to break free, which is far less costly than in-patient rehab facilities.
Specialized Couples Therapy is Another Effective Treatment For Porn
You might be wondering how couples therapy can help someone overcome a porn addiction? Author Johan Hari, in his highly-acclaimed TED talk, said, “the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it’s connection.” In other words, in order to fully heal from addiction, we need to disconnect from porn and reconnect with the significant people in our lives. Doing couples therapy to help you communicate without fighting or criticism, connect on a deeper level, and find fulfillment together can be extremely valuable.
It is important to note that not any form of couples therapy will help a man/couple who is struggling because of the effects of porn. Traditional approaches to marriage therapy often fail miserably when working with the impact of porn addiction.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
There is a specific type of therapy called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) that is based on “attachment theory” that is shown to have a 93% of improvement in couples, which is remarkably good when compared to the 50-60% improvement rates with other methodologies.
The reason why it’s so successful is because it helps couples reconnect in ways that other approaches cannot, as it gets beneath arguments and resentment to help couples feel understood, accepted and enough in their marriage. EFT can also help couples to break out of patterns of fighting, anger, criticism, and defensiveness so a man doesn’t need to avoid difficult conversations anymore for fear of fighting and making it worst.
The con with this approach is that it requires a mental health professional to not only be trained in EFT, but also specialize in porn addiction therapy and also knowing how to work with betrayal and mistrust from the wife. There are lots of moving parts and it requires a high degree of skill to navigate the complexity of this situation, but it is possible with someone who is trained.
Should I Seek a 12-Step or Support Group
A sex addicts anonymous (SAA) group approach is the most traditional way of combating addiction. The SAA group is a spin-off of AA, which was designed to help men struggling with drug addiction or drug and alcohol abuse. However, most men have a hard time making and sustaining progress using this method.
Dr. Lance Dodes, author of “The Sober Truth,” argues that 12-step programs don’t work for most people and that the scientific evidence backs him up.
Dodes spoke about his research with NPR:
“There is a large body of evidence now looking at AA success rate, and the success rate of AA is between 5 and 10 percent. Most people don’t seem to know that because it’s not widely publicized… AA has probably the worst success rate in all of medicine.”
The main problem with 12-step groups is the fact that they don’t address the underlying reason why someone struggle with addiction in the first place, nor do they help men remove their desire for pornography.
In fact, the founder of the 12-step group “AA,” Bill Wilson, asked for whiskey on his deathbed, and the nurse treating him at the time was “shocked and horrified.” This goes to show that the cravings were intense for the founder of the movement, which is not freedom from the problem. It’s nice to have people you can talk to and relate with about your struggles, but that doesn’t resolve the underlying cause of addiction.
So whether it’s for substance abuse, drug abuse, behavioral addictions, internet addiction, sexual addictions, or compulsive porn use, the 12 step approach might not give you the result you’re looking for.
In-Patient Rehabilitation Programs
In general, inpatient treatment programs tend to last longer than outpatient rehabilitation programs because clients remain at a specific treatment center for the duration of the program (anywhere from 30 days to 6 months). These types of programs often include detoxification and follow-up addiction treatment services.
The benefits of inpatient over outpatient porn addiction treatment are:
1. Inpatient programs provide a residential setting where clients can live and receive treatment for their addiction. This allows for around-the-clock care and support from staff members who are trained in addiction treatment.
2. An Inpatient treatment facility offers a variety of services, such as detoxification, counseling, and support groups. These services can address the specific needs of the addicted individual and help to build the skills necessary for sobriety. Working with a specific treatment provider can help support you.
What are the the Cons of In-Patient Porn Addiction Treatment?
- The cost of inpatient rehab can range from $20,000-$65,000 and is prohibitive for some people.
- Inpatient rehab requires a significant time commitment, often 30 days or more.
- Clients who enter an inpatient program must leave their jobs and family behind, which can be difficult.
- It is a very high-surveillance type of an environment, which doesn’t creating internal changes for most men, so when they return to their normal lives, the changes made in treatment often don’t stick.
Are Software Filters Effective and Necessary?
There are many different types of software filters available to prevent you from internet access or looking at porn. However, they are ineffective in two main ways:
- They don’t remove the desire for porn, they simply make it hard for you to access.
2. Software filters are often easy to get around when you’re triggered, which makes them an ineffective in the long term.
It is much more beneficial to address the root cause of your addiction than to rely on filters. If you are struggling with a porn addiction, it is important to seek professional help in order to overcome your addiction and build healthy coping mechanisms.
There is Hope!
Porn addiction recovery is possible! It can feel overwhelming seeking addiction treatment help, but with the right kind of help and effective tools, you can overcome your addiction and learn how to find freedom. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you are struggling!
If you’re experiencing harmful consequences in your life and have been unable to quit on your own, it’s important to seek help and get tools and resources designed to help you find freedom, such as podcasts, programs, or therapy.
