What Is Sex Addiction?
There is a lot of debate about the term “sex addiction.” Though the official mental health diagnosis doesn’t appear in the fifth edition of the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM-5), it’s estimated that 21 million Americans struggle with porn or sex addiction.
However, after reviewing the historic increase in porn consumption, the World Health Organization will soon be including the diagnosis of “Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder” in the newest version of the ICD (International Classification of Diseases), which is used to diagnose mental health challenges.
It’s important to realized that a sexual addiction for most people is usually a unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain such as stress, sadness, loneliness, low self-worth, or feelings of inadequacy. When someone turns to porn or sex to feel better, it activates the reward system in the brain, which leads to someone doing it over and over again.
By getting the right tools and information, people can permanently overcome their addiction or habit and live a life with strong marriages and families, feeling peace, confidence, and satisfaction.
How Does a Sex Addiction Manifest in Someone’s Life?
It’s thought that people who have a sex addiction will want to have a lot of sex partners. This isn’t always a sign of a problem, though. As someone who masturbates, sees pornography or is in sexual situations, some say it may be hard for them to stop.
A person who has a sex addiction may change their life and activities to have sex with other people many times a day, even though this can have very bad consequences.
Someone with a sex addiction may become good at hiding their behavior and even keeping the condition from their spouse or partner and even their family members.
There are some symptoms of a sex addiction which manifest in someone’s life, and if a person shows some or all of the following signs, they may have a sex addiction.
- Obsessive sexual thoughts or fantasies
- Compulsive relations and with multiple partners, including strangers
- Lying to cover their obsessive behavior
- Always preoccupied with sex to where it interferes with their daily life and work performance
- They lack the inability to stop or control behaviors
- Sex addicts put themselves and possibly others in danger because of sexual behavior
It’s important to remember that having fun with sex is not a sign that you have a sex addiction. Sex is a good thing for people, and having fun with it is normal. Likewise, the level of sexual interest between two people does not mean that one of them has a sexual addiction.
Treating Sexual Addiction or Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder
Programs such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) follow the same recovery model as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). As a result, they can be one of the ways to address a sex addiction.
Members aren’t required to give up sex entirely, but they are encouraged to refrain from compulsive and destructive sexual behavior.
For many men, attending a group feels very uncomfortable, so there are other tools and resources with valuable information to help them combat their addiction in private.
Seeking Therapy
Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help people who face sexual addiction identify triggers for sexual impulses and ultimately teach them how to alter behaviors. This is achieved through one-on-one sessions with a licensed mental health therapist.
Removing the Triggers and Desire For Porn
Above all else, the most effective way for somebody to find complete freedom from pornography and other sexual addictions is to remove the desire for it as a unhealthy coping mechanism and disarm any triggers for it.
Unless you make the changes from the inside, nothing that you do on the outside (filtering software, accountability partners, etc.) will ultimately be successful.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Sam Tielemans, has developed an approach to help a sex addict remove the desire they have for any pornography or compulsive sex by helping them the underlying causes that fuel addiction.
He’s able to help them create changes on a deep level from the inside so they no longer feel the compulsion to seek sex as a method of coping, which is often the reason why men end up relapsing, despite their best efforts to stay strong.
Sex is an important part of a relationship, and when someone resolves the root cause of their sex addiction, their sexual relationship with their partner can actually improve because the negative element of compulsion is eliminated.
What Causes Compulsive Sexual Behavior?
It’s important to understand that a sex addiction isn’t caused by a high desire for sex. Rather, sex is used as a coping mechanism for unresolved negative emotions.
Compulsive sexual behavior is often caused by underlying emotional issues that are unresolved. When sex develops into an addiction, it’s usually because a person turns to sex or porn as a way to cope with stress, inadequacy, fears, low self-esteem, rejection, or loneliness.
Without healthier ways of coping, sex becomes a quick and easy escape because of the endorphins that it releases.
Compulsive sexual behavior may involve a variety of commonly enjoyable sexual experiences. Examples include masturbation, cybersex, multiple sexual partners, pornography, or paying for sex.
However, when these sexual behaviors become a significant focus in your life, are difficult to control, and are disruptive or harmful to you or others, they may be compulsive sexual behavior.
Here is a powerful podcast episode to help you more clearly identify the specific underlying cause of your addiction or habit so you can resolve it and put it behind you.
No matter what it’s called or the exact nature of the behavior, untreated compulsive sexual behavior can damage your self-esteem, relationships, career, health, and other people. But with treatment and self-help, you can learn to manage compulsive sexual behavior.
Can You Get Addicted To Sex?
If you have repetitive sexual impulses, then you can find taking part in sexual activities releases endorphins and pleasure chemicals like dopamine in the brain; the same effects can be found if you drink or take drugs.
The more someone seeks sexual activities to escape from their negative emotions, the more the brain will begin to crave sex and experience increased sexual urges. It becomes like a drug in that it is an easy way to change your emotional state, which becomes more and more of a conditioned response.
Can Someone Have A Sex Addiction?
Professionals are split on whether sex addiction is real, as many people don’t believe there is anything wrong with having a non-substance addiction. Others are trying to widen the definition of an addiction, and because of this, common behavioral addictions, sex addiction may be one of the most controversial.
Experts from the American Psychiatric Association use the DSM to figure out what is and is not an addiction. For example, when the DSM made Volume Four, it added sex addiction to the list of “Sexual Disorders,” but not as addiction itself.
Gambling Addiction is the only non-substance addiction recognized in the DSM. People who have sex addiction look for multiple partners, fixate on an unobtainable partner, carry out excessive masturbation, and have a lot of sexuality in their relationships, even though the DSM says this isn’t true.
Such things as phone sex, visiting sex clubs, or having an online porn addiction can lead to compulsive masturbation, and the actions are just the lead-up to the act of masturbation.
The key thing to consider isn’t the official diagnosis, it’s how negative of an impact sex has in someone’s life. So even if you aren’t fomally diagnosed by a therapist, if it’s causing a problem in your life, you should seek treatment, tools, and support to change the habits that are negatively affecting you.
Links Between Sex Addiction and Sex Offenders
It is disheartening, but there is an emerging science in the medical community through peer-reviewed studies, which thinks there is a connection between people who have a sex addiction and people who have sex crimes.
Sex addiction can be found in about half of people who have been convicted of sex crimes or unwanted sexual behavior, as they can already have trouble with personal relationships and possess addictive disorders.
However, there isn’t a difference between the two groups. Some individuals think people become addicted to sex because of a chemical reaction or underlying mental health conditions. For sex offenders, it’s accepted that they don’t do it for sexual pleasure, but they do it anyway.
These people act out of a strange desire for power, dominance, or anger. Some people are addicted to sex, but not all people who are addicted to sex will be sex offenders.
Why Do I Feel I Am Addicted To Sex?
It is unfair to say anyone who feels they are a sex addict has a mental health disorder.
However, if you are unsure how you stand, and you may think about seeing a therapist who specializes in sex and porn addiction, you can see signs in yourself.
Here are a few signs you may struggle to control compulsive sexual behavior:
- You have recurrent and intense sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviors that take up a lot of your time and feel as if they’re beyond your control.
- You feel driven to do certain sexual behaviors, feel a release of the tension afterward, and feel guilt or remorse.
- You’ve tried unsuccessfully managing compulsive sexual behaviors but failed.
- You use compulsive sexual acts to escape other issues, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety, or stress.
- You continue to engage in compulsive sexual behavior that have serious consequences, such as catching sexually transmitted diseases or other areas of life and work that suffer.
- You struggle to establish and maintain stable relationships.
Tips For Seeking a Therapist for Help
Because compulsive sexual behavior is a highly personal issue, seeking treatment can be challenging.
Attempt to:
- Set aside any feelings of shame or humiliation and concentrate on the advantages of seeking help.
- Keep in mind that you’re not alone if you’re dealing with obsessive sexual activity. Professionals in the mental health field are taught to be patient and discreet.
- However, not all mental health practitioners are trained to treat sexual addiction, so make sure you choose a therapist.
Keep in mind that anything you say to a medical or mental health professional is kept private unless you disclose that you’re going to damage yourself or someone else or other negative consequences.
You should also seek help if you feel your compulsive sexual behavior could lead you towards sexually abusing a child, or you’re going to carry out sexual abuse or neglect someone in a vulnerable position.
Seek immediate help if:
- You are concerned that your unrestrained sexual activity conduct may bring harm.
- You’re having other issues with impulse control, and you’re worried that your sexual conduct is getting out of hand.
- Feelings of guilt, humiliation, and low self-esteem are challenging to overcome.
- Other mental health problems emerge, such as depression, suicide, acute distress, and anxiety.
- Neglect or lie to your partner and family, resulting in the harm or destruction of meaningful relationships through mood disorder.
- At work, lose attention, indulge in sexual behavior, or browse the internet for pornography, putting your job in jeopardy.
- Amass debts by purchasing pornography and sexual services.
It can be a challenge to go from sexually compulsive to sexual sobriety. Yet, it is possible to overcome these urges and find out the underlying issue with the right therapist and professional relationships before you face any adverse consequences.
If you’re experiencing harmful consequences in your life and have been unable to quit on your own, it’s important to seek help and get tools and resources designed to help you find freedom, such as podcasts, therapy, or other programs.
